Things that make me go “Grrrrrrr!”

Having kids is supposed to calm you down.

And in many ways it does.

You get the bigger picture. Your perspective changes and you realise what used to be important isn’t really the world-ending issue you thought.

But it also helps you see the world through the eyes of a child – your child.

And it highlights the cynical bullsh** adults throw out there every day.

Kids come into the world a clean slate (contrary to what we might sometimes think, they don’t have little horns and shoot lasers from their eyes!)

And we try to teach them to be the kind of adults we want them to be.

But there are some behaviours which just make my blood boil – and lead me to think that kids are a lot nicer to be around than these so-called ‘grown-ups’.

Road rage

“Why is that man waving his fist and sounding his horn mummy?”

What am I supposed to say?

Well, mummy spotted a gap in traffic and pulled out safely.

But the man sped up, tail-gated and went mental, because he didn’t want her to get ONE CAR IN FRONT OF HIM.

Does that explain it?

Well, it describes literally what happened. And what goes on all the time (and female drivers can be just as aggressive, let me add).

But what do you say when your child asks “Why?”

Why DO drivers do that? Play that imaginary game where they have to get from A to B without letting anyone in front of them?

If someone does happen to pull out at a junction, because there’s some space, they act like they’ve just stolen their firstborn child.

The horn is for when someone is driving dangerously, to alert them to the fact you’re there.

Angry gestures are for when you’ve been wronged, through no fault of your own, and you’re frustrated.

If kids ran around the playground, screaming and threatening anyone who walked in front of them, they’d be disciplined. Their parents (hopefully) would be ashamed of their aggression.

We all expect our kids to have manners, not to push and shove and to stop racing around at a million miles an hour, in case they have an accident.

So why do so many grown-ups act worse than children when they get behind the wheel?

Failing to reply

The most annoying thing about kids is when you’re talking to them and they completely ignore you.

It’s like they’re playing elevator music in their little heads.

“Answer me when I’m speaking to you!” you demand.

Because it’s rude not to, right?

So in this age of texts, emails, Twitter, Facebook – ways to communicate without even having to look someone in the eye or have them hear your voice – why do people still fail to reply to messages?

Whether’s it’s business correspondence, or a social invitation, they make you chase them and chase them.

And if you do manage to catch up to them, what do they say?

“Oh I’ve been really busy”.

Too busy to send a Tweet or text of ‘yes’ or ‘no’? Do me a favour.

Even if you’re delivering news which you know won’t be welcome, have the guts to type out the words and press ‘send’.

Save the person the indignity of chasing you up, only to find out that you’ve changed your mind about working with them, or you can’t make it to their social gathering.

You might not be popular for letting them down, but at least you’ve given them the chance to find someone else. And you’ll be even less popular if you avoid them for weeks and weeks – or maybe altogether.

Failing to reply means one of two things. You’re either really rude and full of yourself – or gutless.

Most children have better manners.

Ignoring babies

OK so if a grown-up you didn’t know was grinning inanely at you and waving, you’d probably drop your gaze and move away fast.

But when babies do it, why do some grumpy grown-ups have to completely ignore them in the same manner?

They can’t do anything to you. Smiling back doesn’t commit you to a long conversation. They won’t take it as a sign of a lasting friendship.

If you’re in a hurry to get somewhere, a quick smile and wave as you stride past is not going to hold you up.

Nor will it’s mother take a brief smile as a sign that you want children – and try to brainwash you into joining the cult of parenthood.

A baby smiling at the world is the most innocent gesture.

Failing to return the goodwill just proves what an a***hole you are.

Parents who use their kids as babysitters

When my son started nursery, I got to know a mum who had a daughter aged six.

I’d see them regularly at the park, mum screaming at this little girl – for not taking good enough care of her baby brother and sister.

If one of them wandered off, mum would stand perfectly still and scream threats at her eldest to go and find them.

Sometimes the the six-year-old was left to take her siblings around the corner to the park on her own.

I’ve actually seen her slap her brother, really hard, in a way which made me want to chastise her.

Then I’ve reminded myself that she’s only six – and a little mummy herself. Through no fault of her own, this girl’s selfish mother has made her into an angry kid who has the weight of the world on her shoulders.

If her brother runs across the road, she’s gripped by fear he might get hurt – and she’ll be blamed. So she’s disciplined him (presumably in the way she sees her mother do it).

Last weekend, we went out for Sunday lunch to a pub with a soft play area.

I watched open-mouthed as a mother, whose son had left the play area to get his drink, shrieked at him:Â “What do you think you’re doing? Who’s watching the baby?”

Who’s watching the baby? Well, why not the parents who decided to have her?

We don’t live in Victorian times any more, when mum had to work all hours as a scullery maid, and gave birth to several children, leaving the older ones to raise the younger ones.

We’re not in a Third World country, where mum walks all day to collect water, leaving the kids to fend for themselves.

If you don’t have the time, the patience, or the common decency to raise your kids, here’s a thought. DON’T HAVE THEM!

You tell your child that if he wants a guinea pig he has to look after it himself.

You don’t say the same if he wants a little sister. That’s not the deal.

Right, so I’m off to lie down in a darkened room.

What ‘grown-up’ behaviour drives you crazy?